I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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