i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
