Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
