Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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