Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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