Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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