Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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