just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
