her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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