i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
