You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize