we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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