a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need water and some morals
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
