she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize