Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
