He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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