Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
