You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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