Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
