Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am one with the molecules
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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