weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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