im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
