If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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