I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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