there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
