where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
