Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize