Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
