I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize