I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
