I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
