I CAN MOONWALK!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
