I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize