was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
