Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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