idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
