i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
