In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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