hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
