When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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