Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
