Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
