Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
