He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
