her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
