I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
