Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
