I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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