Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
