so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
