Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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