i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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