i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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