are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
