I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
