Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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