Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
