All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
