So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
