She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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