you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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