no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
