just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize