hotel room ftw
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
