I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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