You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
