If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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