Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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