this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
