I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
