So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
