he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
